My Diet Coke addiction has become ridiculous
It's just so good
I stopped drinking pop with sugar twenty-five years go. Also, just to be clear, when I say pop, I mean soda. Or soft drinks. Or Coke. Or whatever you call the stuff like Pepsi, Coke, Dr. Pepper, etc. That unnatural devil’s juice.
Anyway, I stopped drinking pop with sugar years ago, and it’s a good thing. I suspect I’d weigh twice as much with all of those calories. I wish that I could say that I gave up pop back then, but I just switched to diet. And while I’ve had up and downs with diet pop in the years since, I’ve been in the throes of Diet Coke addiction for some time now.
More specifically, McDonald’s Diet Coke. I’m not sure why Diet Coke tastes so much better at McDonald’s, but it absolutely does. In fact, I’ve created a hierarchy of Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi. It goes:
McDonald’s Diet Coke
Fountain Diet Pepsi from anywhere else
Fountain Diet Coke from anywhere else
Canned Diet Pepsi
Bottled Diet Pepsi
Bottled Diet Coke
Canned Diet Coke (these last two are a virtual tie)
You’ll notice from my Hierarchy of Aspartame and Tooth Rot that I actually prefer Diet Pepsi overall. That’s true. It just tastes better.
So that begs the question, what does McDonald’s do to make their Diet Coke taste so good? Also, just so you know, I’m not delusional. A simple Google search returns countless links that attempt to answer the question.
It’s a special syrup or purified water or slightly wider straws or whatever else. If you’ve never felt absolutely manipulated by corporate America, read about McDonald’s Diet Coke and you’ll realize that we have no free will.
Because I have discerning taste, I don’t waste my time drinking much pop that doesn’t come from McDonald’s. But because I’m a creature of habit, and because I have a rabid McDonald’s Diet Coke Monster inside me that must be satiated, I spend plenty of time drinking McDonald’s Diet Cokes.
But the time isn’t a problem. I’ve got that down to a science. I order on the app (one $1 Diet Coke per day if placed through the app and picked up at the counter). Money is a problem. And whatever I’m doing to my body is a problem.
I’d like to say that it’s a sometimes treat, but that’s a lie. It’s a daily treat. So that’s $30 per month. But many days (most days?) I have one in the morning (for a buck) and another in the evening (for $1.82 - $2.02, depending on the location). A bit of quick math reveals that’s $60 more per month, for a total of $90. Let’s round up to $100 because some days I’m really thirsty. A hundred bucks a month on McDonald’s Diet Coke? What’s wrong with me?
I don’t even want to think about what it’s doing to my body. I’m sure my teeth are going to fall out of my head someday. I hope my liver doesn’t absolutely despise me because of the chemicals I constantly pump into it. Although, I did just have a physical and all of my levels were right where they need to be. So far, so good?
Another indicator of how ridiculous things have become is that the crew at three different McDonald’s locations recognize me. Not the whole crew. Well, almost the whole crew at my primary location, but only a few at the other two. When I go into the primary location without ordering from the app, a couple of different managers will just give me a cup. I don’t have to order or pay or anything. They see me and just give me a cup. I don’t complain and I take the cup, but part of me feels like they’re doing it out of pity!
I’ve also discovered that not all McDonald’s Diet Cokes are the same. The primary location by my house is usually good. Another location a bit further away is often a bit better. But there’s a location about twenty minutes south that has the best McDonald’s Diet Coke in the world. That hasn’t been confirmed by anyone but me, but I have zero doubt that’s true. And they have crushed ice. Ahhh. Good stuff. So good, in fact, that when I was teaching my older son to drive, I frequently directed him to that far away McDonald’s so he could get mileage under his belt and practice going through the drive thru.
There are also bad locations. I used to stop at one location every time I visited my dad, about 30 minutes away, but the Diet Coke always taste too chemically there, so they’re on my blacklist. Same for a few other locations that don’t have self-service fountains. I like to regulate the amount of ice in my cup. And sneak a few extra sips.
As a tree hugger, I do feel bad about the amount of plastic that this addiction requires. I’d bring my own cup into the restaurant every time if they’d let me. I haven’t asked, but I suspect they won’t. However, if I still have the cup from my morning Diet Coke in my car when I get the evening Diet Coke, I’ll refrain from getting a lid or a straw in the evening and just reuse them from the morning.
Saving the world one straw at a time.
Someday I hope to break free of the McDonald’s Diet Coke. I think about it often, but then I rationalize it to myself: as addictions go, this is a rather harmless one. Comparatively speaking.
Good thing they didn’t test my Blood Diet Coke levels at the doctor. I’d probably be at .15.
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